The Workshop Feedback

The feedback from the workshops were very helpful in many ways. Being silent really allowed us to listen and see the readers' perspective. What's clear to us as writers isn't necessarily as clear from the readers' stand.

Feedback on my first draft:

1- It was too broad.

2- Not much action was going on.

3- All was told from the point of view of a person in deathbed (which is not realistic).

My reaction to that feedback:

I decided to narrow things down and really focus on a single moment, and I changed the point of view. However, I ended up with a different story! It was the grandmother's, but as point of view has changed, the story completely altered in away I did't expect myself. When strangers spot a sick person, they don't go beneath the surface and try to learn the history of that individual.

Feedback on my second draft:

1- They missed the main character and the culture of the first draft.

2- Some were unclear about who's telling the story. 

3- I was asked to blend both perspectives and make the parties communicate somehow.

My reaction to that feedback:

I really struggled to find away to blend both stories because that felt unreal to me. Only within the close family members, the culture and the great past mattered and was acknowledged. However, to the world Shikhah was not more than a crying sick elderly. If I had the chance, I will make a series of short stories to enlighten people about how much history lies within our elderlies and that  there is more to who they are than those years of suffering and illness. What I did in my final draft is to give my characters more shape and bring them to life. Since the story is now theirs, they deserve more attention.